Furry Vengeance: Movie Review

Sorry for the delays; I have been ultra-busy with work and everything else.  I saw this film before it was released and I just knew that it wouldn't last long.  Furry Vengeance is a film about a contractor, Dan Sanders (played by Brendan Fraser), who is building a suburban community in the Oregon forests, despite the fact that he doesn't really want to build it.  His boss Neal Lyman (played by Ken Jeong) is forcing his hand and making him get ready to tear down the entire forest.  The forest animals find out of this plan and don't like it; and mistaking Dan Sanders as the ultimate devil rather than Neal Lyman.  They make his life a living hell, ultimately trying to kill him, driving him insane to the point where he tries to kill all of them. In the end of course Dan Sanders bonds with the animals and helps them drive Neal Lyman away.

The plot is simple, it's a child's movie for God's sake, but it's the worst kind of child's movie.  A movie where there are no good guys because throughout the movie you grow to hate the animals and hope that Dan Sanders manages to kill them; but at the same time Dan Sanders is just as annoying and so you hope the animals win - or ultimately the terrorists drop a nuke on Oregon erasing this painful movie from our memories with the destruction of everyone. 

If you like movies that are filled with cheap nut shots, animals talking using word bubbles and an incoherent plot filled with skunks spraying the main character (every other scene) than this is the movie for you. If you were the parent who cringed every time a dog talked in Beverly Hills Chihuahua just tell your kids that this movie didn't come out and take them to see How To Train Your Dragon again.

This film was directed by Roger Kumble, who infamously directed Cruel Intentions and from then on, a pile of garbage.  Furry Vengeance can be added to that pile of garbage alongside Cruel Intentions 2, Just Friends, The Sweetest Thing and College Road Trip.  The writing team of Josh Gilbert and Michael Carnes join forces to create a tour de force that was even worse than their first film Mr. Woodcock. It seems that the only thing they know how to write is cheap body humour and it makes it understandable how Steve Carrell and Jeremy Pivens both passed on playing Dan Sanders leaving the sinking-ship Brendan Fraser to step in and take hold of reins.

I don't understand why anyone would attach themselves to this project; let me give you a few examples of how painful this movie was:

1. There is a scene which takes about 10 minutes and all it is, is a crow tapping at a window pane trying to keep Dan Sanders from falling asleep. His wife, pitifully played by Brooke Shields doesn't here it, neither does their son. But this 10 minutes of tapping is also 10 minutes of Dan Sanders rolling around in bed frustrated wanting to scream; ultimately it leads to him climbing out onto the roof, falling off, landing in the hot tub and falling asleep there.
2. Dan Sanders is driving in a car. 20 skunks pop out of nowhere causing him to crash. This scene is repeated two or three times throughout the film. 
3. Whenever the animals talk to each other they have word bubbles pop out of their heads.
4. Nut shots. Nut shots. Nut shots. One where Dan Sanders is soaked around the crotch-region and makes a public statement: "Oh, look at Mr. Pee-Pee pants."
5. The film is supposed to be about saving the environment and helping animals out; but the animals come across as mean sonsofbitches and are so vengeful and hateful that I almost hated them more than anything else in this film; and I LOVE animal films!

This movie is not cute in anyway. It's dreadfully boring and painful to watch.  A child behind me kept crying for the first 30 minutes: 'I don't like this movie! I don't like this movie.' Until her parents took her out.  Upon leaving the theatre kids had mixed reactions about it but parents HATED the film.  Ultimately detested the film saying that the only benefit it would have would have been if it had been released in mid July - August so they could escape for a 90 minute air-conditioned nap while their kids mindlessly watched the retarded antics brought to you by Roger Kumble.

Don't bother with this movie. Seriously, as a parent you will hate the film.  Don't subject yourself to this torture. It somehow managed to score a 2.1 out of 10 on IMDB.

0.5 out of 5 stars.