Grown Ups: Movie Review

"Nothing happened. And I love that" is a line said by Roxanne Chase-Feder (played by Salma Hayek). She has it half right. Nothing happened. But boy did I hate it. This film, written by Adam Sandler & Fred Wolf is a movie about nothing where nothing happens.  Now you might smile and think about the Seinfeld episode where the idea of a show about nothing was pitched; well it differs from that on the fact that the poorly written and directed Grown Ups carries absolutely none of the charm that Seinfeld did.  The Dennis Dugan directed film reunites a slew of funny men who mostly got to know each other through their work on Saturday Night Live. Adam Sandler, David Spade, Chris Rock, and Rob Schneider are joined by the only reason I wanted to see this film, Kevin James to try and provide a laugh a minute comedy; however, this movie ends up being a laugh an hour comedy, and it's only an hour and twenty minutes long.

The five main characters played basketball in elementary school and each have gone on to live separate and completely different lives. Reunited by the death of their basketball coach the group get together with their families for  the Fourth of July weekend at a cottage where the funeral is held. That is the end of the plot, and we're only 10 minutes into the film. The remaining 70 minutes is obviously a lot of fun for the cast and crew who got to goof around with each other but tediously boring for the audience as the 'educated' humour that Adam Sandler is pitching our way is mainly filled with fart jokes, pie-in-the-face jokes and midget jokes. All of which tire after the first one... unfortunately the audience is in for 50 of each. While the film is only 80 minutes in length it feels closer to 120 because of how slow it is and because nothing is actually happening.

Now don't get me wrong, if you like watching people get hit in the nuts, or if you like calling short people midgets, or if you like jokes about old ladies having sex with younger men than this movie is for you. If you like fart jokes, and watching men slap other men, and like making fun of older men who pee a lot than this movie is for you. BUT if you like actual intelligent humour, if you hate hack humour, if you want a plot when you watch a movie than for the love of God skip this film.

Adam Sandler hasn't been good in a film since Happy Gilmore and Rob Schneider's claim to fame is as Deuce Bigelow.  I can't even think of a film where David Spade was a lead. Chris Rock has a lot of hits and Kevin James is always funny in my opinion, but even those two fail us throughout the span of Grown Ups.   I was hoping for something great from Dennis Dugan who has brought us many of Sandler's films including Happy Gilmore, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry and You Don't Mess With the Zohan but I think he was having just as much fun as the cast was and didn't really care about making a film. 

I highly recommend that you skip this film. Not only was it not funny but it was dreadfully boring. Just when you think it can't get worse, it gets worse... I couldn't watch this movie without groaning at every hack of a joke and sighing every time a joke within the film is re-hashed.

1 out of 5 stars.

Toy Story 3: Movie Review

Toy Story 3 is the last installment in the Toy Story franchise brought to you by Disney Pixar.  The first Toy Story film that hit theatres 15 years ago in 1995 took the world by storm; as it was the first full-length computer generated animated feature film; and ever since then the world of animation has never been the same. Toy Story 3 stays with the same excellent animation quality that Pixar has been providing us for the past 15 years and it kicks ass. This is the most engaging Pixar film since Monsters Inc.  I constantly find myself sceptical of Pixar films and honestly don't like many of them. Regardless, this film blew me away and kept me engaged from start to finish.

Toy Story 3 picks up many years after Toy Story 2 ends; Andy is now 17 and just about to head off to college. Andy has to make the decision of what to do with all of his old toys; which includes Woody, Buzz and the rest of the gang.  There is a mix-up as he puts them in a bag to take up to the attic and the toys end up headed for the trash. After a quick maneuvering scheme the toys end up being donated to a daycare. Without giving too much of the plot away the toys face many adversities as they realize that the daycare is really not for them; however their escape is thwarted by other toys that aren't as cute and friendly as they appear.

Toy Story 3 is hilarious from beginning to end; but also deals with the subject of loss, much like Up! only without death. The gang, Woody, Buzz, Slinky, The Potato Heads, etc... are joined by Barbie, Ken, and a slew of rejected toys to create a laugh-out-loud tour de force of over 100 minutes.  Michael Keaton voices Ken and is hysterical from start to finish. The other voice actors are amazing as well with Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Don Rickles, Joan Cusack, Wallace Shawn, John Ratzenberger, and Estelle Harris coming alongside newbies Michael Keaton, Jodi Benson, and Ned Beatty to provide the masterpiece that is Toy Story 3.

This is director Lee Unkrich's first time solo directing, although he has been a co-director behind many other Pixar films including Toy Story 2, Monsters Inc. and Finding Nemo. However, behind a great director, behind great voice-talents, behind great animation there needs to be a great idea. That idea and it's execution can be attributed to writers: Lee Unkrich, Michael Arndt, John Lasseter and Andrew Stanton. Lasseter and Stanton have worked together many times before, dating back to the very first Toy Story film.  The script was nearly flawless, each character given the perfect amount of time to shine.

This movie is funny and touching from start to end and a great family film that kids and parents will enjoy alike.  Once again, I warn against the gimmicks of 3D. See the film in 2D; save the money; you're not missing out on anything by seeing it in 2D over 3D.  The good films always garnish smaller reviews.

4.5 out of 5 stars.

The A-Team: Movie Review

I seem to be going into film's these days without expecting to be impressed. I go in with such low expectations of films yet I've continued to come out surprisingly impressed. The A-Team is no different. I went in, despite bad reviews, thinking that this is probably an interpretation of a classic show that doesn't need to be made; however I was sorely wrong. Throw all aspects of cinematic integrity out of the window and this movie is surprisingly a hit.

Four Army Rangers fighting in Iraq have been framed for a crime they didn't commit. Under the heading of Hannibal (Liam Neeson) the remaining members of the A-Team, Face (Bradley Cooper), B.A. Baracus (Quinton Rampage Jackson), & Murdock (Sharlto Copley) break out of federal prison and continue on their way to prove their innocence. The ending, of course, sets it up for a sequel; and one that I think would actually work if done properly.

Joe Carnahan directed and co-wrote this production which is far better than some of his past efforts that included Narc and Smoking Aces. I'll be honest, there are moments in this movie where I went: what the hell just happened? I don't understand how this relates to anything... Yet the amount of fun that everyone in the theatre was having takes away all negative feelings to moments in this film.  The acting had it's ups and downs, mainly ups; especially from the ever-talented Sharlto Copley as Murdoch who was really funny and kept the audience laughing.  This movie works excellently as an action-comedy; the few moments where Carnahan tried to get serious and add drama the acting talent started to drop and the audience started to get distracted... however those moments were few and far between.

This movie kicked ass and I highly recommend it; just for a guilty pleasure... it was really enjoyable!

3.5 out of 5 stars

The Karate Kid: Movie Review

A lot of people are criticizing the 'remake' of The Karate Kid, unjustly so, before they get a chance to see it. Albeit the martial arts shown in the film is of a very different nature than karate, centering around Kung Fu; but why wouldn't you market this film as a remake and bring in the audience and money? It works and it works well. Despite people fighting over how this film shouldn't even be called The Karate Kid it's actually a half decent movie.  I have a grave confession to make. I never watched the original Karate Kid. So I went into this movie sans biases and prejudices and I was pleasantly surprised.  The plot is simple to follow, for young and old; the action is superb yet never too graphically violent for younger kids to watch; the acting - well we'll talk about that in a few moments, but all in all the film was a success.

Dre Parker (Jaden Smith) and his mother move from Detroit to Bejing, China to start a new life when his mother gets transferred. While in China Dre tries almost too hard to fit in and instead alienates himself further prompting him to become a punching bag for the local bullies at his school. When Dre attempts to fight back he is aided by Mr. Han (Jackie Chan), the maintenance man turned kung fu hero, and in an attempt to gain respect from the bullies he is entered into an open kung fu tournament with very little time to train. The majority of the story is that of Mr. Han training Dre to prepare his tournament and teaching him that when you get knocked down you should always get back up.  The film than obviously concludes with Dre at the tournament.

I'll start with my praises before I get into what I didn't like about this film. The first praise of this film is Jackie Chan's performance as Mr. Han. Chan, for me, has been hit-and-miss in his films but he really pulls through in this one and holds the film together. The directing was phenomenal as well which was a surprise to me. Harald Zwart managed to capture the great beauty of China as well as create a great movie for the family to enjoy. Zwart was the dead-ended brains behind such misses as The Pink Panther 2, Agent Cody Banks and a slew of Dutch misses; so when this film turned out to be thoroughly entertaining and enjoyable I was very surprised at how Zwart seems to be turning his game around.  This is also the first official screenplay turned into film by writer Christopher Murphey; and at times you can tell that a novice writer is penning this script as some of the dialogue is god-awful, yet it manages to stand on it's own two-feet for the most part.

Jaden Smith holds his own throughout the film, although I constantly find him to be very egotistical and at the beginning of the movie I sure wanted to beat him up as much as the bullies at the school did. His character really isn't a likable character until he starts to learn respect by mid-end film... but it's almost too long. I almost gave up hope on liking his character, but eventually by the end I was won over when Dre learned a touch of humility.

Now for what I didn't like; and while it may seem like a lot it really doesn't affect the outcome of the movie too much. There are characters that are absolutely unnecessary. The 'white kid' that Dre befriends immediately in China is a useless companion and his acting skills are as great as a brick. I know that Luke Carberry (the white kid) is only a young actor and I shouldn't rag too hard on the guy; but if you're making a multi-million dollar blockbuster of a film and you have a child actor that sucks, you should have the balls just to fire him rather than cut him out from 90% of the plot making his character useless. The same goes for another kid actor at the beginning of the film who in Detroit gives Dre his skateboard. The dialogue there made me want to puke. Regardless of the few minor character glitches the movie was also about 20 minutes too long. My ass fell asleep at about an hour and forty-five minutes and I was ready for a wrap-up but found out I had another 30 minutes to go. 

It doesn't mean that the movie was bad, far from it. It was quite enjoyable. It could have been better though and when you're trying to remake a classic you need to make sure that you're film is going to be solid and a respectable remake.  For the most part The Karate Kid pulled that off.

It's a great family film. Young and old will enjoy it.

Check it out!

3.5 out of 5 stars

Movies in Brief - June 09, 2010

Upcoming films this week:

The Karate Kid - good family fun that's about 20 minutes too long. (Full review to come on Friday).
The A-Team - Bradley Cooper, Jessica Biel, and a Fake Mr. T? I think I'll pass.

What's out now:

Shrek Forever After: good family film - skip the 3D. 3/5
Get Him to the Greek: more boring than funny - we've seen it all before. 2.5/5
Killers: Unfortunately this actually became a film. 1.5/5
Prince of Persia: Sands of Time: half an hour too long with enough nothing happening to bore the modern man to sleep. 1/5
Sex and the City 2: More like Sucks in the City! No rating.
Marmaduke: A big spoiled-talking dog? The kids might like it. No rating.
Iron Man 2: Still going strong. Fun action flick that's a good sequel to the first. 3.5/5
Splice: I'm super excited to see this, haven't had a chance yet. Only heard good things. No rating.
Robin Hood: 45 minutes too long and at times like watching paint dry. No rating.
Letters to Juliet: Your everday typical, cliched rom-com. 1.5/5

Killers: Movie Review

Alrighty - let's start this beast off. I went into Killers with very low expectations.  When movies are not screened for critics they are generally awful, look at GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra, The Bounty Hunter or any of the last few Saw films as good examples of that philosophy. SO when the film actually started off good I was pleasantly surprised.

The plot isn't much to write home about, but it holds itself solidly for the first hour Spencer (Ashton Kutcher) is a spy/assassin for the CIA; but when he meets Jen (Katherine Heigl) who is on vacation with her parents The Kornfeldts (Tom Selleck & Catherine O'Hara) in Nice, France, Spencer decides to give up his spy life after one last mission and be with Jen. Jump to three years later where Spencer and Jen are married and living the suburban dream and suddenly Spencer is called back into the game by his handler. When Spencer hesitates about being called back in he finds that his friends, co-workers and neighbours are suddenly all trying to kill him for a 20 million dollar bounty. Spencer must juggle trying to keep himself and Jen alive, finding out who set the bounty as well as handling the erratic Jen who had no idea about his past life.

Like I said, the first hour was actually half decent; it was a good action flick with witty moments and Tom Selleck was fantastic... what a mustache. The only other memorable acting moment in this film was a stellar performance by Rob Riggle; which was surprising because normally I hate Rob Riggle. I don't think he's funny one bit; but he managed to pull off a character that was slightly different for him and was entertaining. Kutcher and Heigl were nothing to write home about, their 'shining' moments were more dull and boring than actually exciting. Heigl is actually not funny at all - and she plays herself off as a rich-snob, which is what I imagine her being in real life. We all know her Grey's Anatomy drama off-set and her unrealistic financial demands show her true colours as an actor, one who isn't it for the art but purely the money. It was the supporting cast that made the actual characters plausible and less painful to watch.

Director Robert Luketic's niche is rom-com's like his previous films Legally Blond, Monster-in-Law, Win a Date with Ted Hamilton! & The Ugly Truth. I would personally suggest that his best film to date is 21 but he has definitely become a hit-and-miss director with Killers falling in the miss category.  The script, written by Ted Griffen and Bob DeRosa, wasn't half bad until the end, it was obvious though that the end was the product of novice screenwriter Bob DeRosa whose claim to fame include films like: Taco! & King Pathetic Creep.

I'm gonna get down to brass tax about why I did not like this film and it really comes down to the ending. First off, you see the twist within the first 25 minutes of the film. You know what's coming, when it's coming and how it's going to play out. However, it's how the writers tried to make a twist on the twist at the end that royally pissed me off.  The following contains spoilers and will be written in black type, so highlight over the dark spaces to read the rest if you don't care about spoilers:

In the end, it's Jen's father who places the 20 million dollar bounty on Spencer's head. It's placed because Spencer's last mission was to kill him, but he failed. So, Jen's father placed a group of hit men around Spencer and had them become his co-workers, neighbours, and friends and then when he gave the word they were to kill him. When this story comes out and Spencer and Jen find out suddenly everything just becomes hunky-dory. There is no reasoning given for why Spencer was supposed to assassinate Jen's father or why after he finds out about it suddenly all is forgiven and the family is able to sit down for a 'trust circle' and tell each other all their deep and dark secrets. The two 'killers' are suddenly complacent with each other and just let everything go.

The story has no real resolution and ends up being a groan fest for the last half an hour, a decent flick is ruined in its ending and I quickly realized why critics were not allowed to review this film for release day. I have a fear that people are going to forgive this film for its ending because it does hold you captive for 2/3rds of the film; but the cliched, anti-climatic, boring and unrealistic ending made me HATE this film. As the film progressed I was thinking to myself; this is a solid 3.5 out of 5 stars... however, I must warn you - skip this film... the ending really ruined it that much for me. I am only giving it:

1.5 out of 5 stars.